"Unlock the path to finding your life's purpose with Tajamal. Discover insightful guidance and steps to lead a more fulfilling and meaningful life."People say you can't change your career at 30 that's when you're meant to be settling down you can't change your career at 35 you should have had it figured out by then oh my God you're not married at 38 what the hell are you doing with your life ?who comes up with this stuff. I have no idea but this stuff played so many people that I speak to so many people open up to me and say I just don't know how to change? Is it possible what do you think this guy was before he became who he is he used to be a PE teacher right sports teacher at a high school.
How about her she was a telemarketer for two weeks how about her she applied to be a funeral director it's incredible what happens in society is that we're clouded by the noise the noise of family expectations the noise of our parents the noise of our brothers and sisters expectations I grew up in a family where you could either be a doctor a lawyer or a failure. Right those were my three options anything else would just count me as a failure I would have felt so basically I failed right I’m standing up here in front of you all as a failure I lived as a monk for three years. I committed career suicide I turned down two amazing corporate job offers when I graduated from business school I shaved my hair I wore robes and lived out of a gym locker for three years and I did that because I thought I was going to do something meaningful help impact the world and it was one of the best experiences of my life but more than becoming a monk what that trained me to do was drop out with the rules people told me if you come back in three years you'll never get a job they told me if you become a monk people don't think you're weird forever no girl's ever going to talk to you.
People told me they were like well when you come back to real life like will you even be able to talk English like people are just really weirder out I’m just like okay I think monks speak English and there was so much different noise that I was hearing when I made that decision and the funny thing is from having not been a monk for four years now I’m in one of the most incredible periods of my life that I could ever have asked for and so much of that is based on the fact that I decided to do something different so many of the times our expectations are driving us in a certain scenario we focus so much on life in what we want to be as opposed to who we want to be because we've always been told that life and jobs and careers are like boxes and containers there's only a finite number of options there is no formula there is no pattern if you know what you're passionate about if you know what you're good at and you invest in that people say follow your passions.
I say forget that invest in your passion if you're passionate about something go and become the best at it go into a course on it go and learn from the best go and find a mentor who's going to make you incredible at that trade not only will you be criticized and grow you'll be able to find new things about yourself that you never knew don't trade who you are for who you think the world needs because the world needs you to do you and I mean I was a 19 year old kid and I was miserable I was in love with my high school sweetheart we were that couple that was really annoying so we went to school together we signed up for classes together we shared a u-haul on the way to school together we lived in the same dorm together we walked to class we walked to breakfast in the morning and walked to classic I mean we were just joined at the hip and we were completely crazy infatuated in love.And then halfway through the first year of college she discovered beer and other boys on the same night she cheated I completely fell apart I stopped going to class I barely ate anything certainly nothing healthy I stopped studying I just stopped caring about the world literally couldn't get out of bed and I never thought about until years later reading changed my life because I was still reading.
There's one thing that's brought me through everything and I happened to pick up the school newspaper and I opened it up and there was this full page ad it was this perfect white sandy beach turquoise water big green palm tree and across the top of the ad it said escape students needed for summertime jobs in the Dominican republic so I escaped I went down there and one night my friend Kevin and I we hopped into a car after uh dropping off a client so we're going down this road 85 miles an hour in this car and the windows were open and that air was coming in that amazing humid if you've been in the Caribbean that just gorgeous amazing humid air is coming in and then we came upon a corner we take that corner 85 miles an hour and that corner became the turning point to put my feet on the stage of life today. Kevin grabs the wheel he goes hold on and I brace and the car starts sliding sideways and that weird slow motion thing happens Kevin’s gripping the wheel trying to make the corner and all of a sudden smack when I came to look over and Kevin is screaming at the top of his lungs get out of the car burning out of the car and I look over and a whole big chunk of his head is open.
So I pull myself out of the windshield of this car and he's screaming over here and I stand up eventually on the hood of the car and I look and I notice all this blood on me and I remember just looking down and that slow motion things happening I just thought did I even matter?
I start seeing all these images of my life when I’m surrounded by people that I care for there's a cake in front of me here's my friends singing my mom leading them in that goofy song there's my sister just swinging and smiling right next to me and it makes you wonder did I love did I love openly and honestly and completely or did I hold back because that one time I got hurt and just as I was about to pass out I noticed a glint like a sparkle something shiny a reflection in the blood going off the hood of the car and it made me look up and there was this bright big beautiful moon that night and I just immediately felt this connection if like I knew was going to be okay and I felt like the big guy upstairs reached down to me and handed me life's golden ticket he reached down said here you go kid you're still alive you can still love and matter but now you know the clock is ticking mortality motivation I got it as a 19 year old kid people say why are you so successful? I got mortality motivation when I was 19. That’s a blessing most people don't get that till they're 60.
Don't worry Kevin and I we both survived see I’m still here it's okay I made it but the one thing that I took away from that entire thing was that moment and those questions because I remembered them and I thought about them as I was healing I was like what was that about why did I feel so unhappy with that moment because I thought you know in the last moments of life there must be this transcendence and I was not happy and I realized it was because of how I’d been living my life and I wasn't living to my questions. I knew I got those questions did I live did I love did I matter as soon as I got that those were the questions I’m going to evaluate myself with at the end of the life? It gave me the power of what my late mentor taught the power of intention that breath you just took feel it. what a blessing that is you got that life what a blessing is you got that breath that means you still got something inside you got to work for it you got to contribute for it you got to give for it you got to lead for it you got to love for it because you still have something not just in you. you're still here for a reason and now you just got to earn that blessing where my parents biggest frustration was that I was epically lazy and if they handed out gold medals for being lazy I would have won I assure you hands down because even though I was a slightly chubby kid growing up in a morbidly obese family in Tacoma Washington I always knew two things about myself one day I was going to be rich and I was going to have six pack abs like those are the two things is that kid that was you know jiggling his belly thinking one day I’m not going to have to suck in my gut. when I left for college my own mother who'd always been my biggest cheerleader quietly assumed I was going to fail but these two guys that were successful entrepreneurs and bodybuilders happened to walk into a class when I was a teacher and they were just starting a technology startup and they said we need a copywriter why don't you come be a copywriter and so I was just young enough and just dumb enough and I went all in they literally put me in the room with all the computer servers but starting from there I knew I could wow people because I was willing to grind it out and we all have a super power and my super power may be the willingness and ability to endure suffering. I had suffered a lot I hadn't taken a day off in like six and a half years because I was so hell bent to get rich and then I realized almost eight and a half years in I’d finally had enough I had hit my breaking point from suffering and I got so mad and I was so unwilling to do it anymore and i turn to my partners and I say I’m completely miserable i quit i realized the reason i was living the cliché of money can't buy happiness along the way had become so myopically focused on this promise I’d made my to myself as a kid that I never stopped to ask why do I want to get rich the questions you ask yourself will determine the course of your life I had been asking myself what do I need to do to get rich and it left me really unhappy so I changed the question and I started asking what would I do and love every day even if I were failing life is too short this is your one go round so what are we going to do?
we're going to build a company that's predicated on value we're going to build a company that's predicated on passion I started thinking about my mom and my sister but they were profoundly overweight I started thinking about my uncle who ate himself to death when I was 12 years old and how much that scared me and it made me sad to see that there were millions if not more than a billion people that were in the same kind of abusive relationship with food that my mom and my sister were so I said I don't know if it's a big business but I know it's a big problem and that's the problem that we're going to solve and so we decided to build a totally new kind of company we started quest nutrition in 2010.just as we were coming out of the great recession I was wearing a hair net and a lab coat every day and my employees were former gang members ex-drug dealers felons we were in Compton and we literally told everybody in the neighborhood I don't care if you've been convicted of a crime I just want to know if you're willing to bust your ass to change your life and if you are going to get an interview and I’m not going to ask for your resume I don't care about your resume. your resume tells me where you've been it doesn't tell me the price you're willing to pay to become somebody new every belief that you have is a choice I choose to believe that human potential is nearly limitless and this was the belief that changed my life because once I realized so it's not about who you are today it's about who you want to become and the price you're willing to pay to get there and I promise you the day that you're willing to pay any price you'll achieve what you want to achieve if you truly believe that human potential is limitless what do you want to become and what price are you willing to pay to get there gives you better sex increases your good cholesterol gives you more friends gives you more meaning engagement life satisfaction and happiness if you have a purpose-driven life it adds years to your life you live longer.
Let me share two stories with you, story number one we're interviewing one of those school teachers she says the first year I taught was heaven the second year I taught was hell. I had five boys that second year and they were incorrigible and there was one kid in particular he was impossible one day this kid's in the doorway of the classroom and he's kicking and moving his arms making noises and I lost it she said I’m ashamed to say these words but i walked towards that kid with the intention of kicking him thank heavens he got up and ran away I kept walking I went to the principal's office I said this is it it's him or me and the principal took the kid out she said I felt terrible so I went to two of my colleagues and poured my heart out and they said to me you are not the key to every door and as she said those words she burst into tears in the interview and we waited a long time and then she looked up and said I hated that those words you can't be the key to every door she said so I decided to become the key to every door instead of pushing disruptive kids away I began to seek them out I began to bring them into my world I read every book I could find I kept notes I ran experiments I kept notes on the experiments and then she kind of pulled herself up and said today I am the key to every door when there's a disruptive troubled kid in school they say give her to miss so-and-so she seems to know what to do with them that's a profoundly important story. it's a story of transformative learning when I have a higher purpose I find the energy and the courage to go outside my comfort zone. Now the second story is a lot closer to home I once had a daughter she was single she was living in Washington dc. she had reached that point in life where she said there's none not a good man left on the earth and then she found one she got really excited relationship grew then one day our phone rang she's talking to her mother and I know what's going on this guy just dumped her this daughter is the firstborn child many first-born children share a common characteristic. If they're miserable they want you to be miserable too okay and she said I’m coming home this weekend no your mother hangs up and says you're the father you go to the airport and pick her up. So the next day I go pick her up she gets in the car and she doesn't say hello how are you she says that no good dirty. Five minutes later she takes a breath and I said are you problem solving a purpose finder we're finally pulling in the driveway she takes another breath I say it again she says what are you talking about?
And she said this is the real world I said well I think it applies to the real world by then we're in the house. I pull out a sheet of paper out of my file and it says Robert Quinn life state she looks at it and then she grows quiet and she looks up and says when you feel bad you read this. I said no when I feel bad I rewrite it. It's been rewritten hundreds of times she said yeah I can hardly understand some of this stuff. I said yeah it's written to a customized audience one person then the first miracle happened she said do you think I could write one of these. I said I’m sure you can she went in the bedroom for a day and a half she worked on her life statement the miracle was I did not have to suffer during that day she got on the plane she flew home to DC a couple days pass I get an email she said he called me oh this'll be interesting and she says so I wrote him this letter and I’m reading this letter that she's attached it's incredibly vulnerable open honest and then at the bottom it says and my roommate said I can't give this death now that's an interesting thing why can't we give this letter to this guy you don't tell some guy that dumped you that you know here's how you feel and then she said what my roommates don't understand is that what he thinks doesn't matter wait a minute a few days ago what he thought caused her life to shatter now she's saying what he thinks doesn't matter she's saying this is who I really am didn't know this a while ago now I know it doesn't matter what other people think you see when you clarify your purpose you take back your external locus of control where you worry about what other people think and you take it in eternal locus you don't become insensitive you don't become rebellious you become powerful. Now here's the interesting thing in the next few months she began to be promoted her career turned why this was a dating breakup why is her career taking off because when you find purpose and meaning in what you're doing in one area of your life it grows in every area of life because you are one person that company had a woman coming in with the same dresses on body looked the same but it wasn't the same employee this was a woman now full of leadership for the first time. when someone has that meaning and that integrity things start to change the research says when you give up self-interested goals where most of us are most of the time and you take on contribute goals you function differently the biology changes the thought process changes learning accelerates you grow more the only thing that I’m left to conclude is you and I are designed to be purpose-seeking mechanisms you've been shaped by life you've had bad experiences and good experiences and both the bad experiences and the good experiences are there to teach you something about you and if you look very carefully hit those you can determine what your purpose is every person in this room can clarify the purpose of their life become the key to every door mike screamed grenade out and jumped on it and boom two snipers were providing over watch for the other platoon that were trying to maneuver and unbeknownst to mike and those guys an insurgent had seen where they were firing had snuck up next to the side of that building pulled out a hand grenade pull it and threw it up and that thing came right up boom and hit mike on the chest petty officer mike man sour took the entirety of that blast in his face and his chest he lasted for another 35 minutes before he passed away on the medevac bird out the kicker to this story is there was a stairwell right next to mike right next to him and all he had to do was jump down that stairwell to save his own life but he didn't he turned and jumped on the grenade sacrificing himself so his two brothers could both go home and hug their wives kiss their children and fight another day once you think to yourself what would you do for 70 years united states navy seal team. we've been pushing the envelope we've been setting the bar we've been setting the standard for what the team life is and how you should live are you really committed to yourself physically because we all know when the going gets tough the more in shape the more focused you are and what you eat and what you consume the better you are I spent 15 months in the frigid waters of the pacific ocean to the mountains of Afghanistan on seven different occasions and to the shores of Haiti doing missionary work with my church and what I’ve learned in this incredible journey are a few undeniable truths about what enables us to succeed.
Now truth number one is you got fear in your heart always and you can't defeat it everybody's like well that's a bummer the problem is ladies and gentlemen is you're wired for fear right it's part of our lives we have it in what we do for a living right you talk about fear in your lives and your personal lives with your family folks we've got fear period so what you have to learn to do is embrace it truth one the second one is self-confidence is huge it's important and you got to forge it every single day the third one is you got to live with purpose if you don't have purpose in your life you don't have momentum. you don't have anything driving you forward anything pulling you out of bed every single day and the last one and the one I learned that left an indelible mark not only in my heart but in my soul on those beaches across the street a street over there is nobody does it alone there's not a single person in this whole room right now that can raise their hand and say you know what rut I’ve done it by myself not a single person out there has helped me not a one we all need help so as a result of that you have to recognize that you have to live what i call a team you have to be 100 focused that everything you think about everything you do is with someone else as with a team amen right we've been giving everything we are to our communities to our families to our children but more importantly we're willing to give everything we are and potentially everything we will ever be for the man that's next to us this is the team life this is what my mission here is today is to help you understand this standard to help you redefine your understanding of what that mission might look like for you are you working on it are you working on it right now did you work on it today are you going to go work on it tonight because I tell you with those three things you're on the road commitment I’ve worked with every kind of person there is on this planet we all bleed red what I care about is there's something that gets you out of bed every morning there's something that you have faith in that's bigger than yourself there's something that you're willing to sacrifice for another human being that's powerful.
0 comments:
Post a Comment